Two More things about Celebrity Rehab
1. When the bespectacled guy in the hat mentions that people stop him at the bank and ask him if Jeff is going to survive the show, Brigitte Nielsen says to Jeff Conaway, "if only you knew how much people out there love you..." No, Brigitte. It's not love. When people slow down by the car wreck, it's not because they love the people involved.
2. There's nothing better than watching this show when you're on your third cocktail.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
I know I should minimize the "cute things my kids do" stories, if for no other reason than to appease the joyless husks who find such things annoying, but I can't resist this one.
My just-turned four year-old walked into the bathroom tonight as I was filling the tub for her bath. She pulled a toy cell phone out of her pocket, put it to her ear and started an imaginary conversation with her cousin. Below is her opening line (names changed, naturally).
Bama? Peanut.
[very brief pause]
Yeah -- still four...
My just-turned four year-old walked into the bathroom tonight as I was filling the tub for her bath. She pulled a toy cell phone out of her pocket, put it to her ear and started an imaginary conversation with her cousin. Below is her opening line (names changed, naturally).
Bama? Peanut.
[very brief pause]
Yeah -- still four...
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Okay, so I just found out that the guy who played Sully in Commando, David Patrick Kelly, also played President Truman in Flags of Our Fathers.
He also was the villain in Dreamscape, not to mention Jerry Horne in Twin Peaks.
I suppose it's appropriate that he'd wind up in the role of the guy who gave the "go" order to incinerate two entire cities.
Too harsh? Yeah. You're right.
He also was the villain in Dreamscape, not to mention Jerry Horne in Twin Peaks.
I suppose it's appropriate that he'd wind up in the role of the guy who gave the "go" order to incinerate two entire cities.
Too harsh? Yeah. You're right.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Actual Reuters headline: Dolly Parton postpones tour, blames breasts.
The article quotes her as saying, "Hey, you try wagging these puppies around a while and see if you don't have back problems."
The best thing about this is that I saw the headline in a side menu while reading a story about the economy.
The article quotes her as saying, "Hey, you try wagging these puppies around a while and see if you don't have back problems."
The best thing about this is that I saw the headline in a side menu while reading a story about the economy.
Friday, January 18, 2008
This fellow is former South Dakota state Rep. Ted Klaudt, who was just sentenced to 44 years for doing terrible things* to his foster daughters. The story is here.
Here's the scene as he's led in to prison with the other new cons:
[gates rumble open; the new cons file in]
INMATES: FISH! FRESH FISH! HERE FISHY FISHY!
[Klaudt enters]
INMATES: ...WHALE! FRESH WHALE! HERE WHALEY WHALEY!
*I phrased this euphemistically purely to avoid the wrong type of people coming to my blog from Google, not to minimize what this scumbag did.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Saturday, January 12, 2008
So, I'm watching Celebrity Rehab. Jeff Conaway melts down and we go to a promo for the latest edition of My Fair Brady. I'm wallowing in the very depths of Reality TV. Neenie walks into the the room, wrinkles her nose in disgust, and says, "wasn't it a writers' strike that gave us Survivor in the first place?"
So, I'm watching Celebrity Rehab. Jeff Conaway melts down and we go to a promo for the latest edition of My Fair Brady. I'm wallowing in the very depths of Reality TV. Neenie walks into the the room, wrinkles her nose in disgust, and says, "wasn't it a writers' strike that gave us Survivor in the first place?"
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Whoof...last published December 16. Bad bad bad creative person.
A few weeks ago, as I was getting home from running some errand or another, I noticed there was a young man and a young woman at my front door talking to my wife. Judging from their age and the clipboard in the woman's hand, I assumed they were activists -- MPIRG, Clean Water Action, Sierra Club, Writers' Guild of America -- until I heard one of them ask Neenie "if there was anything she'd like them to pray with her about" before they left. Aha...young people spreading the Word. The clipboard tripped me up.
There's always a temptation in those situations to pretend to be a much more horrible person than you are. I could have pretended to be an abusive spouse, or a Satan worshipper, or a child molester, or a combination of all three, but why ruin their day? They'd just had a polite conversation with somebody -- not a nibble at their answer to Life's Tough Questions to be sure, but at least they didn't get a door slammed in their face or the old let's-pretend-we're-not-home ruse. They probably saw their conversation with my wife as a positive exchange. No need to harsh their buzz.
Also, having spent a good chunk of my adolescence in the United Pentecostal Church, I've gone "door-knocking" a few times myself. I try not to be mean to proselytizers, because I understand that they see me as a drowning man and themselves as the ones with the life preserver. Personally, I think I am in the same kiddie pool as anyone else, but I spent too much time as a child watching the cars pass by while thinking to myself, "all of those people are going to Hell," to begrudge them their feeling of obligation.
Anyway, once they had moved on to my neighbor's door (there was no answer, but I don't know whether she was home), I asked Neenie where they were from. She had no idea. Once I saw the literature, however, I knew exactly who they were: Jehovah's Witnesses.
Not that the literature said anything about being from the Jehovah's Witnesses -- it never does. The JW's have a real knack for hiding their light under a bushel. Hell, they don't even bring copies of Watchtower or Awake! any more, because people have come to realize that those "magazines" are from them. Still, you can always tell JW literature, the same way you can recognize Target ads or Ramones songs. There is a definite "house style" to the illustrations, for one thing; most of their stuff looks like the cover of a children's version of Call of the Wild from 1982. Plus, the articles have a weird way of sounding perfectly reasonable (How Do You Measure Success? Peace on Earth -- A Mere Dream? Do I Have an Eating Disorder?), until you realize that it's all about the Invisible Man in the Sky.
They "got in the door" (or at least got the door to stay open for longer than 30 seconds) by saying they were taking a survey. Neenie is always happy to help, so she said yes. If this was a real survey, they make Republican push-pollsters look like, well, real pollsters. When the questions shifted from "to what do you attribute the rise in child abuse?" to "do you sometimes feel as though there is no hope?" all the way to "do you believe we are living in the end times?," it became clear to my wife that these were not starry-eyed idealistic college students. That's not stars, honey. That's glaze.
I just don't understand this approach. What testimony are they hoping their new members will offer?
NEW JW: I'm just so happy! I really believe I've found peace in my life.
FRIEND: That's great! To what do you owe this improvement?
NEW JW: Bait-and-switch!
A few weeks ago, as I was getting home from running some errand or another, I noticed there was a young man and a young woman at my front door talking to my wife. Judging from their age and the clipboard in the woman's hand, I assumed they were activists -- MPIRG, Clean Water Action, Sierra Club, Writers' Guild of America -- until I heard one of them ask Neenie "if there was anything she'd like them to pray with her about" before they left. Aha...young people spreading the Word. The clipboard tripped me up.
There's always a temptation in those situations to pretend to be a much more horrible person than you are. I could have pretended to be an abusive spouse, or a Satan worshipper, or a child molester, or a combination of all three, but why ruin their day? They'd just had a polite conversation with somebody -- not a nibble at their answer to Life's Tough Questions to be sure, but at least they didn't get a door slammed in their face or the old let's-pretend-we're-not-home ruse. They probably saw their conversation with my wife as a positive exchange. No need to harsh their buzz.
Also, having spent a good chunk of my adolescence in the United Pentecostal Church, I've gone "door-knocking" a few times myself. I try not to be mean to proselytizers, because I understand that they see me as a drowning man and themselves as the ones with the life preserver. Personally, I think I am in the same kiddie pool as anyone else, but I spent too much time as a child watching the cars pass by while thinking to myself, "all of those people are going to Hell," to begrudge them their feeling of obligation.
Anyway, once they had moved on to my neighbor's door (there was no answer, but I don't know whether she was home), I asked Neenie where they were from. She had no idea. Once I saw the literature, however, I knew exactly who they were: Jehovah's Witnesses.
Not that the literature said anything about being from the Jehovah's Witnesses -- it never does. The JW's have a real knack for hiding their light under a bushel. Hell, they don't even bring copies of Watchtower or Awake! any more, because people have come to realize that those "magazines" are from them. Still, you can always tell JW literature, the same way you can recognize Target ads or Ramones songs. There is a definite "house style" to the illustrations, for one thing; most of their stuff looks like the cover of a children's version of Call of the Wild from 1982. Plus, the articles have a weird way of sounding perfectly reasonable (How Do You Measure Success? Peace on Earth -- A Mere Dream? Do I Have an Eating Disorder?), until you realize that it's all about the Invisible Man in the Sky.
They "got in the door" (or at least got the door to stay open for longer than 30 seconds) by saying they were taking a survey. Neenie is always happy to help, so she said yes. If this was a real survey, they make Republican push-pollsters look like, well, real pollsters. When the questions shifted from "to what do you attribute the rise in child abuse?" to "do you sometimes feel as though there is no hope?" all the way to "do you believe we are living in the end times?," it became clear to my wife that these were not starry-eyed idealistic college students. That's not stars, honey. That's glaze.
I just don't understand this approach. What testimony are they hoping their new members will offer?
NEW JW: I'm just so happy! I really believe I've found peace in my life.
FRIEND: That's great! To what do you owe this improvement?
NEW JW: Bait-and-switch!
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Do you have a compulsion?
What is that? I don't know what that is, exactly...
That's a typical exchange from NBC's To Catch a Predator. God, these guys are DUMB.
I'm amazed that there are so many of these guys. What I want to know is, did this start off as a one-time thing where they just decided to try to catch a couple and the whole thing just snowballed from there, or did an executive realize that the sheer volume of predators meant that this was was a potential cottage industry right out of the gate?
Also, have they caught any female predators? They must be out there, right? I mean, I'm reasonably sure they are a small portion of the whole, but they've got to be out there. On the other hand, female predators probably don't need to get on the Internet.
They just get teaching jobs.
What is that? I don't know what that is, exactly...
That's a typical exchange from NBC's To Catch a Predator. God, these guys are DUMB.
I'm amazed that there are so many of these guys. What I want to know is, did this start off as a one-time thing where they just decided to try to catch a couple and the whole thing just snowballed from there, or did an executive realize that the sheer volume of predators meant that this was was a potential cottage industry right out of the gate?
Also, have they caught any female predators? They must be out there, right? I mean, I'm reasonably sure they are a small portion of the whole, but they've got to be out there. On the other hand, female predators probably don't need to get on the Internet.
They just get teaching jobs.
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