Pot and Housework Don't Mix:
Phillippines Fear Factor:
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
100-Word Story About Autumn
“Take the long way home,” she said, and I didn’t know what she meant.
Was it because it was a sunny autumn day? Did she want to witness first-hand that perfect ratio of the leaves that remained in the trees to those that danced in the breeze along the parkways that outlined and followed the bodies of water that lead, not directly, but certainly eventually, to our destination?
Or was she simply a big fan of Supertramp?
The fact that I didn’t know was proof that we either would need a second date, or should never see each other again.
“Take the long way home,” she said, and I didn’t know what she meant.
Was it because it was a sunny autumn day? Did she want to witness first-hand that perfect ratio of the leaves that remained in the trees to those that danced in the breeze along the parkways that outlined and followed the bodies of water that lead, not directly, but certainly eventually, to our destination?
Or was she simply a big fan of Supertramp?
The fact that I didn’t know was proof that we either would need a second date, or should never see each other again.
So, it's Halloween night. Neenie is out with the Peanut and a new neighborhood friend we met one day at the park. The original plan was for Neenie to take both girls out while I stayed home and manned the candy dispensary. However, the Bug was on the cranky side, so I figured I'd at least walk them to the new friend's house. A couple of houses in, it became tragically clear that trick-or-treating was beyond the Bug's ability to cope, so I volunteered to bring her home and keep her with me while I waited for the doorbell to ring.
We live across the street from a cemetary, so we don't get a lot of trick-or-treaters. I imagine I'll spend most of my time right here on the couch, the Bug next to me, watching Bride of the Monster. Gosh, I hope it doesn't scare her too much. I'd hate for her to develop a rubber octopus phobia.
We live across the street from a cemetary, so we don't get a lot of trick-or-treaters. I imagine I'll spend most of my time right here on the couch, the Bug next to me, watching Bride of the Monster. Gosh, I hope it doesn't scare her too much. I'd hate for her to develop a rubber octopus phobia.
Friday, October 12, 2007
You may not know this about me, but I've been a longstanding (and yes, on occasion longsuffering) Paul McCartney fan since I was a child. Here's his latest video:
Most of the time when Paul is being "cute" it just smacks of trying too hard and I feel bad for him. This time, I had a goofy smile on my face the whole time. This might be the most adorable thing Paul has ever done. And yes, I am aware that that might be the queerest thing I've ever typed.
Whatever -- All I can say is good on ya, Paul.
Most of the time when Paul is being "cute" it just smacks of trying too hard and I feel bad for him. This time, I had a goofy smile on my face the whole time. This might be the most adorable thing Paul has ever done. And yes, I am aware that that might be the queerest thing I've ever typed.
Whatever -- All I can say is good on ya, Paul.
Found this on Cynical-C. It's a beauty pageant contestant doing the theme from Star Wars on the trumpet, complete with interpretive dance. Watch it all the way through.
I don't care how much it hurts. Watch it all the way through.
Don't be a baby. Watch it all the way through.
I don't care how much it hurts. Watch it all the way through.
Don't be a baby. Watch it all the way through.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Here's a little something to get you in the spirit of the season:
Vlad the E-Mailer
Vlad the E-Mailer
TO: service@HarkerRest.com
FROM: vlad@t-vanianet.com
RE: Wrong casket
I recently purchased the oak-finish RestfulPeace Deluxe from your Web site. But what received was not what I ordered. It is a similar model, but has a large etched design on the lid that was not in the picture on your site. How quickly can it be exchanged?
FROM: mina@HarkerRest.com
TO: vlad@t-vanianet.com
RE: RE: Wrong casket
Dear Sir,
We regret the error. Our Web site showed the Spring 2006 RestfulPeace Deluxe model. The 2007 model has been updated to include the etched cross on the lid. We regret that our Web site was not updated prior to your order. Please complete the Exchange Request form and fax or mail it to us at the address below. You will find the form, along with your receipt and several valuable coupons, packed inside the casket. Again, we are very sorry for any inconvenience.
TO: mina@HarkerRest.com
FROM: vlad@t-vanianet.com
RE: RE: RE: Wrong casket
Inside the casket? I can’t quite get to it at the moment. Isn’t there some other way we could handle it?
FROM: mina@HarkerRest.com
TO: vlad@t-vanianet.com
RE: RE: RE: RE: Wrong casket
I am sorry you're having trouble. This may be better if handled by phone. Please call our customer service line at the number listed below and we would be happy to help you.
TO: mina@HarkerRest.com
FROM: vlad@t-vanianet.com
RE: RE: RE RE: RE: Wrong casket
I tried your customer service line last night and got a recording indicating your office hours to be between 9:00 a.m. and 5:00 p.m. I work overnights. Is there any way we could settle this via e-mail?
FROM: mina@HarkerRest.com
TO: vlad@t-vanianet.com
RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Wrong casket
We regret you are having problems with our system. Due to the danger of fraud we are only able to process exchanges either by telephone or via the paperwork included with the order.
TO: mina@HarkerRest.com
FROM: vlad@t-vanianet.com
RE: YOUR WILL IS MINE
MINA…YOU WILL SEND SOMEBODY TO PICK UP THE CASKET AND REPLACE IT WITH A DIFFERENT MODEL.
YOU WILL
YOU WILL
FROM: mina@HarkerRest.com
TO: vlad@t-vanianet.com
RE: RE: YOUR WILL IS MINE
I will send somebody to pick up the casket immediately.
I will.
I will.
FROM: MinaH, CSR
TO: DRenfield, Shipping Mgr
RE: CUSTOMER TICKET #1031
Please arrange courier delivery and pickup at address attached. Exchange ’07 RPDeluxe w/cross etching for Fall06 model.
As a matter of fact, check to see if we have any left with the optional EternaClear Crystal lid window. This customer has had a hard time and I'd like to upgrade his purchase as a courtesy.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Dateline: Madison
Okay, so I saw this sign today:
It took me a few hours before I realized that the sign probably meant that you were not supposed to go out and further plug the meter (in Minnesota we use the phrase "time limit" a little more directly). At least I hope that's what it really meant. The alternative is that it is genuinely stating the blindingly obvious.
Also, is the placement of the sticker random, or is it meant to transform the phrase from Vehicles may not remain in these stalls longer than the time limit of the meter into Vehicles may not remain in these stalls longer than the time limit of the me?
What is the time limit of the me, after all?
Okay, so I saw this sign today:
It took me a few hours before I realized that the sign probably meant that you were not supposed to go out and further plug the meter (in Minnesota we use the phrase "time limit" a little more directly). At least I hope that's what it really meant. The alternative is that it is genuinely stating the blindingly obvious.
Also, is the placement of the sticker random, or is it meant to transform the phrase from Vehicles may not remain in these stalls longer than the time limit of the meter into Vehicles may not remain in these stalls longer than the time limit of the me?
What is the time limit of the me, after all?
Saturday, September 22, 2007
So I saw an ad for ExtenZe, the natural male enhancement pill. I've seen these ads for a while. They all imply, in the most exaggerated stage whisper in history, that they can make men larger in the jock.
Obviously, if something sounds too good to be true, it probably isn't. Still, it's all promoted with such a straight face that I just had to know, so I googled the product name, along with the word "fraud," and this was the only link. It's a site that debunks all the other male enhancement scams.
And then it offers its own solution to male enhancement.
Obviously, if something sounds too good to be true, it probably isn't. Still, it's all promoted with such a straight face that I just had to know, so I googled the product name, along with the word "fraud," and this was the only link. It's a site that debunks all the other male enhancement scams.
And then it offers its own solution to male enhancement.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Okay, so the Ziddio video (did they anticipate the cadence of that phrase when they named the site?) is a little wider than is comfortable on this page. It appears to be covering the side menu a little. Apologies. So, I'll just write something now to nudge it further down the page, shall I?
I am at Crackers in Indianapolis this week. If last night's show is any indicator, it should be a fun week.
Did another marathon drive to get here yesterday. Left the house at 4:00 a.m. and made the drive in eleven hours, door to door. I stop a lot. These old bones need to stretch from time to time, and I have the bladder capacity of a nervous german shepard. Fortunately, I don't piddle when showing submission.
I took a leap of faith and took a different route to get here. You see, when I'm planning my route, I am in a constant search of ways to avoid Chicago. Unfortunately, the worst thing about living in Minneapolis is that if you want to head to any point east of Lake Michigan, but north of Dixie, Yahoo! maps will send you through Chicago, which means a) tolls, b) unpredictable traffic and c) tolls. I hate all three of those things (so much that they create cognitive dissonance, apparently).
What I've been doing is driving through Iowa, through Cedar Rapids, Davenport and then across Illinois via Peoria and points East. It adds about 50 miles, but a) there are no tolls, b) it's a delay I can count on, rather than the kind of suprises Chicago traffic offers, and c) there are no tolls.
The other night, Neenie saw me doing my Yahoo! map for this trip and asked why didn't I go through Wisconsin, down to Rockford, IL and then keep going down to Bloomington and then head East? I said, "There's a toll road by Rockford." It sounded less reasonable coming out of my mouth than it had in my head, so I did the Yahoo! map for that route and lo and behold, it was only 30 miles longer than going through Chicago.
And the toll, it turns out, is a dollar.
I am at Crackers in Indianapolis this week. If last night's show is any indicator, it should be a fun week.
Did another marathon drive to get here yesterday. Left the house at 4:00 a.m. and made the drive in eleven hours, door to door. I stop a lot. These old bones need to stretch from time to time, and I have the bladder capacity of a nervous german shepard. Fortunately, I don't piddle when showing submission.
I took a leap of faith and took a different route to get here. You see, when I'm planning my route, I am in a constant search of ways to avoid Chicago. Unfortunately, the worst thing about living in Minneapolis is that if you want to head to any point east of Lake Michigan, but north of Dixie, Yahoo! maps will send you through Chicago, which means a) tolls, b) unpredictable traffic and c) tolls. I hate all three of those things (so much that they create cognitive dissonance, apparently).
What I've been doing is driving through Iowa, through Cedar Rapids, Davenport and then across Illinois via Peoria and points East. It adds about 50 miles, but a) there are no tolls, b) it's a delay I can count on, rather than the kind of suprises Chicago traffic offers, and c) there are no tolls.
The other night, Neenie saw me doing my Yahoo! map for this trip and asked why didn't I go through Wisconsin, down to Rockford, IL and then keep going down to Bloomington and then head East? I said, "There's a toll road by Rockford." It sounded less reasonable coming out of my mouth than it had in my head, so I did the Yahoo! map for that route and lo and behold, it was only 30 miles longer than going through Chicago.
And the toll, it turns out, is a dollar.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
New video up on the Media page.
If you wanted, you could even go to Ziddio and give the video a rating and/or comments. Hell, you can share it to Facebook, get a URL to share it with friends, embed it on your own site. The sky is the limit! You get free content and I get free promotion. Everybody wins.
Well, I win a bit more.
If you wanted, you could even go to Ziddio and give the video a rating and/or comments. Hell, you can share it to Facebook, get a URL to share it with friends, embed it on your own site. The sky is the limit! You get free content and I get free promotion. Everybody wins.
Well, I win a bit more.
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