There's a magazine for everything. To look at the cover, it almost appears as though the magazine is written as though it is being published contemporaneously with the actual events of the Civil War, like the film They've Killed President Lincoln. Turns out, no.

Of course, in the South the magazine is known as War Between the States Times.

Bread in a can.

Judging from the image on the label, it's even got the impression of the can's shape, like cranberry sauce.

I made friends with the owner's cheery, happy 3-month old grandson tonight. Why was there a baby at a comedy club? It was the comedy club in Bettendorf, that's why. She needed somebody to hold him and I got to hang with a baby for a bit. That's the beauty of a family business.

Never be afraid to hold a baby. Nobody's going to hand you a baby that you can't handle. If there was a chance that you could do anything wrong, nobody's going to hand it over.

Comedy writer sues over 'Hannah Montana'


A comedy writer named Buddy Sheffield is suing The Walt Disney Co., alleging he came up with the idea for the teen television show "Hannah Montana" but was never compensated.

Sheffield, who has written for "The Smothers Brothers Show," "The Dolly Parton Show" and "In Living Color," says he pitched an idea for a television series called "Rock and Roland" to the Disney Channel in 2001. The story was about a junior high school student who lived a secret double life as a rock star, according to the lawsuit.

Disney Channel officials at first liked the idea, but ultimately passed on it, the lawsuit alleges.

The Disney Channel's "Hannah Montana" is about high school student Miley Stewart, who lives a secret double life as a famous pop star.

"Hannah Montana," starring Miley Cyrus and her father, country singer Billy Ray Cyrus, has generated two hit music CDs and helped sell a great deal of merchandise. Sheffield says he deserves a share of the revenue.

Buddy Sheffield filed the lawsuit in Los Angeles Superior Court on Thursday alleging breach of contract, breach of confidence, unfair competition and unjust enrichment.

Having seen "Hannah Montana," not to mention several other Disney Channel teen-sitcoms, I've been wanting to sue Disney for unjust enrichment, simply on general principle.

I've done a variation of this joke on my Myspace blog before, but here's a quick impression of every director of every sitcom on the Disney Channel: That's great, Carter...terrific stuff, Jawan...Rosalita, terrific work...Rondell, great as always. Now let's take it again everyone, but this time with more mugging. A LOT more mugging."

My Cub Foods had this model of Pepsi machine a few years back. It's long gone from my Cub, but there rests this example in the vending area of the Super 8 in Burlington, IA. Hell, it might be the same one.



It's difficult to see, but yes, that is a spurt, er, spray of soda erupting from the tip of the bottle he holds at his waist. There's a fine line between blatant and inadvertent sexuality in advertising. I wonder which this is.

Went to a Reds game today. So THAT'S what Major League Baseball is like. I've just been to Twins games, so I didn't know.


Gorgeous stadium.


Inside and out.


That's MISTER Mr. Red, punk!

Just saw a commercial for Kellogg's Frosted Mini-Wheats that had the message, "keeps 'em full and keeps 'em focused," meaning kids.

Hey, it could happen. I certainly prefer that to certain other products and advertisements I could mention.

This isn't a Cincy-related pic. We took it on the way home from a cabin up north in Minnesota.

Yes, I know they're talking about furniture, but it still tickled me.

Got to Cincy a couple of hours ago, following a 12-hour drive through Iowa, Illinois and Indiana (screw Chicago and its traffic-n-tolls). Shortly into Indiana, I noticed a billboard for Hardee's that read:

MADE FROM SCRATCH BISCUITS
100% ANGUS BEEF THICKBURGERS

Maybe I was punchy from the road, or just too much of a stickler for punctuation*, but for a moment I thought that Indiana had some sort of truth-in-advertising law, and the sign meant that Hardee's Thickburgers were made out of a parts of Angus cows called "scratch biscuits."

[RADIO VOICE] Why pay up to eight dollars in a casual dining restaurant for the same burger you can get from Hardee's for less than four?

BECAUSE THEY'RE MADE OUT OF SCRATCH BISCUITS, THAT'S WHY!



*The sign should have read "MADE-FROM-SCRATCH BISCUITS" or "BISCUITS MADE FROM SCRATCH"

I leave very early Thursday morning for my maiden voyage to Cincinnati. I'll be featuring for Jimmy Pardo at Go Bananas. I've heard great things about the club, and judging from the names on their calendar, I think it's going to be a great fit (a perfect venue for my re-entry into standup after a month or so off).

I've never been to Cincy, much less Ohio, but I'm looking forward to it. As a matter of fact, I'm going to order 5-way chili here.

Hold the onions, extra cheese.